Shepherding A Child's Heart by Tedd Tripp

Written in 1995 and revised in 2005, Shepherding a Child’s Heart contains some truly timeless truths about children: they are sinners in need of Christ. With this foundational assumption, author Tripp lays out what he believes parents should do according to Scriptures in order to shepherd their children into loving submission under their Creator.

The first half of the book breaks down what Tripp believes to be “foundations for child rearing.” In this section, he writes about short and long term goals in raising children and about methods, biblical and unbiblical, for accomplishing them. The second half of the book focuses on the stages of childhood and the objectives and techniques unique to each stage. 

Much of this book is excellent. Discipline, the brunt of the book, is not punitive, but restorative. Tripp rightly clarifies that a child’s disobedience is rebellion against God and against His command to honor and obey one’s parents, and he urges parents to help their children understand this concept. Understanding this opens a door for parents to talk about grace and our need of Christ’s supernatural strength to do what He calls us to do. The focus of discipline is not on changing behavior, but addressing a child’s heart. The “why” of behavior is weighted far more heavily than the “what.”

There are two major flaws in the book, in my opinion. The first is the lack of control that the author gives a child over his own life . Up until the teenage years, parents are urged to make all decisions and to assert authority simply to teach a child submission. Tripp maintains that “when we allow our children to become independent decision makers we give them a false idea of liberty and a mistaken notion of freedom.” Even in things as trivial as what to eat for breakfast, Tripp urges parents not to allow children the ability to choose. To the opposition that children must learn to make sound decisions by making them under their parent’s guidance, he replies that children learn to make good decisions by merely observing their parents doing so on their behalf. To that I say, baloney. This assertion is no more true than saying that a child will learn long division simply by watching the teacher work out problems on the board. Furthermore, it does not take into account a child’s individual makeup. Some kids simply need to be more independent than others. To allow them choices within a parent’s wishes is wisdom.

My other concern with Shepherding a Child’s Heart is that Tripp preaches that spanking is the only real biblical form of corrective discipline. Not only does he equate time outs as emotional child abuse and groundings as useless and ineffective, he goes so far to write that “if you fail to spank, you fail to take God’s Word seriously.” His support of this is in the few Proverbs passages that tell parents to use the “rod.” I do not have a personal problem with spanking and believe it can be used well and effectively, but I do take issue to the idea that it is the best and only biblical form of discipline. My problem with this is twofold. First, from my short topical study of Scriptures, the admonition to use the “rod” is only found in Proverbs. Elsewhere in the Old and New Testament are commands to discipline, but the form is never specified. A Proverb is simply not a Scriptural command, and to build a theology on one is ridiculous. To say that it is sinful not to spank based on a proverbial admonition also means that being afraid is sinful since Proverbs 3:25 says not to be afraid when wicked comes because God will take care of you. Furthermore, the fact that there is no correlating verse in the New Testament is concerning. 

Secondly, you have the realism issue. What about foster children whom, at least in my state, are legally not allowed to be corporally punished? Some children who have suffered from child abuse simply should not be spanked. What about parents that were abused and cannot handle giving corporal punishments without going too far or without pretty significant emotional damage to themselves? What about children for whom spankings are just not as effective? I have one child who responds remarkably better to having certain privileges taken away than spankings. What about older children? Spanking is useful, but advocating it at the expense of other parental tools is not helpful – especially when you add in the insinuation that parents who choose otherwise are sinning.

In summary, I do recommend Shepherding a Child’s Heart for its foundational insistence on the goals in parenting and a child’s need of Christ, but only with the caveat that Tripp’s views on authority and spanking are over the top. He tries to use Scripture to back his opinions up, but a couple of Proverbs and his personal assertions just don’t cut it.